Someone on My Team Is Struggling: What Do I Do This Week?

It’s one of the questions I hear most on our courses. A manager puts their hand up and says, quietly, “I’ve got someone in my team who’s struggling right now. What do I actually do?”

When we talk it through, the worry is nearly always one of two things. They’re scared of saying the wrong thing. Or they’re scared that if they keep checking in, they’ll be harassing the person.

This article is part of our practical guide to workplace mental health training for UK employers.

Both fears come from a good place. But left unchecked, both lead to the same outcome: the manager waits, and the person is left on their own with it.

The short answer

“What if I say the wrong thing?”

You don’t need perfect words. You need to show up. Most people remember that someone noticed and cared far more than they remember exactly what was said.

Keep it informal and private. Something as simple as “Fancy a coffee later?” is often a better start than booking a meeting room. Then lead with curiosity, not with what you’ve noticed or what someone else has told you:

How have things been with you recently?

Listen more than you talk. You don’t have to fix anything in that first conversation. There’s more on the opening words in how to start a conversation about mental health.

“Am I harassing them?”

This is the fear that stops a lot of good managers in their tracks, and it’s worth taking seriously. Checking in can tip into pressure if it feels like you’re watching someone.

The difference is simple: agree the follow up with them, rather than doing it to them.

Would it be okay if I checked in with you again on Thursday? And is there anything that would make that easier?

When the person has a say in when and how you check in, it stops feeling like surveillance and starts feeling like support. And if they’d rather talk to someone else, that’s fine too. Ask: “Is there someone else you’d rather speak to?” and point them to your mental health first aiders, HR or your employee assistance programme.

If they tell you they’re fine, you don’t have to push. But don’t just walk away either. “If that ever changes, know that I’m here” keeps the door open. There’s more on this in what to do when someone says “I’m fine”.

The first 48 hours

• Check in with the person. A private, informal conversation. Curious, not judgemental.
• Arrange the follow ups. Agree when you’ll next talk, and put it in the diary so it actually happens.
• Think about your procedures. Is there anything your organisation requires of you? Absence, adjustments, record keeping, confidentiality, who else needs to know. Check, rather than guess.
• Look after your own emotions. These conversations stay with you. Notice how you’re feeling and talk to someone.

And the one thing to avoid? Waiting for the perfect moment. It rarely comes.

Can it wait until Monday?

My best advice is simple: don’t delay.

If you’re asking yourself whether it can wait, that’s usually a sign it can’t. Waiting rarely makes the conversation easier, and it gives the person longer to feel that nobody has noticed.

And if anything makes you worried about their safety, act now. Stay with them, follow your escalation procedure straight away, and if there’s immediate danger, call 999. Samaritans are available day and night on 116 123.

Looking after yourself that week

When you’re the one holding it, it’s easy to forget that you’re affected too. My advice to managers is this:

Do for yourself what you would do for a member of your team.

If someone in your team was carrying something heavy, you’d want them to talk to someone, use the support available and not struggle on alone. The same goes for you. Speak to your own manager, HR or your employee assistance programme.

And follow your procedures. They aren’t just there to protect the person you’re supporting. They protect you too, so you’re not making every decision on your own.

If it’s also affecting their work

Sometimes the struggle shows up in someone’s performance first. If that’s where you are, read mental health and underperformance: what managers should do first. And if they end up needing time off, returning to work after mental health absence covers what comes next.

Common questions

If you think you might be running on empty yourself, our guide to burnout warning signs and what actually helps is a good place to start.

If your team is in or around Glasgow, we can train them at your workplace or at our training room in Carmyle. See our mental health first aid training in Glasgow.