On one of our courses recently, a manager shared a story that we keep coming back to.
Someone they knew through work had been through a difficult formal process. A few weeks later, early one morning, that person phoned a colleague who had been involved in it. They were in crisis and thinking about ending their life.
The colleague had never had any training for a moment like this. They stayed on the phone and searched online for what to say, while trying to keep the person talking.
We’re sharing this because it could happen to almost anyone, and very few people are prepared for it.
Why they called that person
When someone is in crisis, they don’t always reach for a helpline, a friend or family. Sometimes they call the person who already knows what has happened. There is nothing to explain and nothing to be embarrassed about.
That means the people most likely to get this call are often the ones who have had to deliver difficult news: managers, HR teams, investigators, compliance staff and union reps. It’s a role nobody signs up for, and most have never been told what to do if it happens.
If you get the call
- Stay on the line. Keeping them talking matters more than finding the perfect words.
- Ask directly. “Are you thinking about ending your life?” Asking does not put the idea in someone’s head. For many people it’s a relief to be asked.
- Listen more than you talk. You don’t need to fix anything or argue with how they feel.
- Find out where they are and whether they are safe right now.
- Get help. If they are in immediate danger, call 999. If someone is with you, ask them to make the call while you keep talking.
- If you can’t stay on the line, make sure they have Samaritans on 116 123, free and open 24 hours a day.
You don’t have to do this perfectly. Being there, staying calm and getting help involved is what counts.
After the call
A call like this stays with you. Talk to someone you trust, use your employee assistance programme if you have one, and don’t just carry on as normal. Looking after yourself afterwards is part of it, not an extra.
For employers
Formal processes such as reviews, investigations and disciplinaries are high pressure moments for the person going through them. A few simple steps help:
- Offer support at the point the outcome is given, not later.
- Plan a check in a few days afterwards.
- Make sure the people delivering difficult news know what to do if a call like this ever comes.
How we can help
Our mental health training prepares people for exactly these conversations, including how to ask about suicide and what to do next.