On a recent course, several managers asked me versions of the same question. How do you create a team where people feel safe enough to say they are struggling? How do you give people space to be themselves? And how much should you actually know about their lives outside work?
These are good questions, because they get to the heart of it. Mental health first aid training, check ins and support schemes only work if people feel able to use them. That depends far more on the everyday climate of a team than on any policy.
For the bigger, organisation wide picture, see our article on what a mentally healthy workplace actually looks like. This one is about what you can do as one manager, with one team.
What we mean by feeling safe
The term often used is psychological safety. It describes a team where people feel they can speak up, ask a question, admit a mistake or say they are not okay, without being judged, embarrassed or punished for it.
It doesn’t mean everyone is always comfortable, or that standards drop. It means honesty is safe. And when honesty is safe, problems come to light while they are still small.
People don’t tell you they are struggling because you have a policy. They tell you because of how you reacted the last time someone did.
Signs your team may not feel safe
- You only hear about problems once they have become serious
- Meetings are quiet, and the real conversation happens afterwards
- People rarely ask questions or admit they don’t know something
- Mistakes get hidden or blamed on someone else
- Nobody has ever told you they are finding things hard
That last one is worth thinking about. In any team, someone is usually having a tough time. If you never hear about it, it may not be because everyone is fine.
What you can do as a manager
- Go first. If it feels right, share a little about a time you found things hard. It tells people that struggling is human, not a weakness.
- Get the first response right. When someone does open up, thank them. Listen. Don’t rush to fix it, and don’t make it about you. How you respond the first time decides whether there is a second time.
- Make it normal. Ask how people are doing regularly, not only when something is wrong. A check in that happens every week never feels like a warning.
- Act on what you hear. If someone raises a problem and nothing changes, they will stop raising them.
- Keep confidences. If something told in private ends up as team gossip, trust goes quickly. The one exception is when someone’s safety is at risk.
- Be consistent. People watch how you treat everyone, not just them. A safe team is one where the rules are the same on a good day and a bad day.
Giving people space to be themselves
People are more likely to be honest when they don’t feel they have to perform all day. That might mean being flexible about how people work, accepting that some people are quieter than others, and not expecting everyone to be cheerful all the time.
It also means not forcing people to share. Some of the best managers I know never ask anyone to open up. They simply make it clear that the door is open, and keep it open.
How much should you know about their personal life?
This was one of the most interesting questions on the course, and there is no single right answer. Some managers feel that knowing more about their staff’s lives helps them support people. Others worry about prying.
A useful rule is this: you only need to know what the person chooses to tell you. You don’t need the details of someone’s marriage, health or money worries to support them well. What helps is knowing enough to be human, and making it easy for them to tell you more if they want to.
- Offer, don’t pry. “Is there anything going on that would help me to know about?” leaves the choice with them
- Remember what people have told you, such as caring responsibilities or a family member who is unwell, and check in on it
- Keep it confidential
- Remember you are their manager, not their therapist. Your job is to listen and point them towards support, not to fix everything
If you’re not sure what to say once someone does open up, our guide on what to do when someone says “I’m fine” is a good place to start.
If someone needs support now
Encourage them to speak to their GP. Out of hours in Scotland, they can call NHS 24 on 111.
Samaritans: call 116 123, free, any time.
If somebody is in immediate danger, call 999.
Questions managers ask about creating a safe team
What is psychological safety at work?
It is the shared sense in a team that you can speak up, ask a question, admit a mistake or say you are struggling without being judged, embarrassed or punished for it. It does not mean everyone is always comfortable. It means honesty is safe.
How can a manager tell if their team feels safe to speak up?
Look at what happens when things go wrong. If problems surface early, people ask questions in meetings and someone occasionally says they are finding things hard, the team probably feels safe. If you only hear about problems when they are serious, or meetings are silent, it may not.
How much should a manager know about an employee’s personal life?
Only what the person chooses to share. You do not need the details of someone’s life to support them. It helps to know enough to be human, such as caring responsibilities they have mentioned, but the choice is always theirs.
What should I do if someone tells me they are struggling?
Thank them, listen, and ask what would help. Agree a next step, let them know what support is available, keep it confidential unless there is a risk to their safety, and follow up when you said you would.
This article is part of our practical guide to workplace mental health training for UK employers.
Help your managers build teams where people speak up
Our mental health training for managers gives managers the confidence to start conversations, respond well when someone opens up, and know where to point people for support.