EPISODE NINE

Please note this is a verbatim transcription from the original audio and therefore there may be some minor grammatical errors.

Dougie Jackson  

My name is Dickie Jackson. And on today’s show tickety boo turns into the tickety interview. As our clinical therapist, Andy Griffiths shines the spotlight of life on author, business coach and therapist Iona Russell. Right. Let’s do the history lesson. Iona you were brought up on a farm in the Welsh valleys by hippie parents who by the early 1970s had decided that they did enough of London. Now that sounds idyllic. But it wasn’t all Peace, love and happiness, though, was it?

Iona Russell  

So by the age of five, it was discovered in school that I actually couldn’t hear. I mean, I think I was partially deaf. But nobody figured out until I was five. And it was only in teaching me how to read the school decided, oh, you can’t hear. So I’ve learned to lip read. And obviously it was a little slow to develop. And I had a speech impediment because I couldn’t see or hear the letter S. So I proceeded to have three operations to sort this out age five, seven, and then eight is also around the time my parents divorced. And then I hit my teenage years, and I did all the things, drugs, alcohol, eating disorder, suicidal thoughts and attempts, teenage rebellion on steroids.

Dougie Jackson  

Okay, give us the timeline here. And tell me how did it start? And wasn’t there anybody around about you? Who could help you through this difficult, incredibly trying time?

Iona Russell  

The eating disorder was the first trauma and that was in response to an innocent comment said by a peer in school. I mean, I didn’t think I was fat. And actually looking back I wasn’t. But she said she would rather be happy and fat like me rather than thin and miserable. And that was the first time I was like, oh, that started me down the path of eating disorder. But that was just around worthiness issues, to be honest, now that I know that, but the suicide and the excessive drinking, and then suddenly to explore drugs. No, because my mom had emigrated, and she was living in a different country. And I was probably in my teenage years at my most miserable and depressed. 

Andy Griffiths  

Where do you believe for you the trauma came from? Was it in those early formative years when you were struggling with the hearing, and you’re seeing all this activity going on around you? But you can’t kind of connect and work out what’s going on? And was there a sense of disconnection, that sense of they don’t understand what I’m going through.

Iona Russell  

I’ve never actually thought of that. But yeah, I mean, it must have been very difficult for not being able to speak until later, I think I was just late developing. But definitely, I’ve always had that feeling of not belonging, not fitting in not being part of what’s happening around me. And I would definitely say that around about the age of eight, that was the pivotal moment with them, my parents divorced, which was horrendous. And also I remember being made to feel guilty by my father unintentionally, that I told the lies I want to live in my mum. So that was when I decided to put everybody else’s feelings first. And I remember that pivotal moment, you know, we form our beliefs of how we’re going to go into adulthood, that we’re all as adults functioning with this childhood trauma. But yeah, I love your insight on the not hearing aspect as well. 

Andy Griffiths  

It’s just interesting how that trauma sort of affected your emotional and thought processing at the time. And as we know, trauma does physiological damage to us, because we spend so much time in fight flight and freeze mode. So from a very early age you Iona, we’re kind of an anxiety specialist before you even got to teenage years. But obviously back then you didn’t really understand that that was anxiety. Because you’re too young. You can’t process that.

Iona Russell  

I feel that that is also why I turned to alcohol at age 14. I mean, my friends were older, and it was definitely a way to fit in. And I remember it became my party trick that I could drink as much if not more than my friends but that’s what I did to fit in to belong and to be accepted.

Andy Griffiths  

Yeah, creating these unhealthy coping mechanisms. So we’re accepted into the community. So we feel part of a tribe, even though that tribes probably not that good for us, it’s better than where we’ve come from at that point in time, I can really relate to that.

Dougie Jackson  

So alcohol played a large part in your teenage years. I take it drugs quickly followed. Yeah?

Iona Russell  

A lot of my particular favorite drugs came later in life. I was late to the rave scene. And then cocaine was something I loved. But that was because it didn’t suppress my energetic, like, I’m very hyper. And so drugs that suppress that didn’t work for me because I got paranoid, but also within all that, with the drinking in the teenage years was this needing to fit in, and then the eating disorders. So I started as anorexic I failed that because I got too hungry. And then discovered the bulimia and I’m like, Oh, this is it. I lost a lot of weight very rapidly in two weeks. And then the compliments I got reinforced that this is the way to be this is how people will like me. 

Andy Griffiths  

That’s really interesting here that switch from anorexic to bulimia. I suppose you were viewed as the rebellious teenager that was just been naughty. Where really, you had no coping mechanisms, no way of harnessing and dealing with what you were feeling at the time. And that was your escape from it, I suppose.

Iona Russell  

Yeah. And I think that’s when the attempted suicide came in. And I realised I was just looking for attention, because I didn’t do it successfully. And I wasn’t even really trying to at the time, but I mean, I still have the scars on my wrists. And I’m not ashamed of it. But it was definitely a call for help. But then I was very good at kidding. Very good at lying, but it like, Oh, no, it’s fine. I’m over that. Because I didn’t want to let anyone in to fuss over me. So it’s that protective wall mechanism. Don’t let anyone in and don’t let anyone see you hurting, protect everybody else. And then everyone else around you and your family will feel guilty. If they know that you’re going through this. 

Dougie Jackson  

So your heads will have suicidal thoughts. You even attempt to follow through on a few occasions at this point in your life that wasn’t there any help available to you? Were there any interventions?

Iona Russell  

No, there wasn’t I kept it hidden. I had one friend, I remember when I was telling him about it actually said, Oh, I don’t need to hear your BS anymore. But he didn’t know how to cope with it. And I think we’re 15 at the time. Then when I did show my father his immediate reaction because he didn’t know how to deal with it. He grounded me. He phoned my mum who lived at the time in Canada. I reassured her look, it’s fine. I’m not going to do it again. It was just a reaction to my environment. But yeah, there was no harm. I just coped with that. And it’s taken me years and doing the inner work, quite frankly.

Dougie Jackson  

So when did you begin this inner work? When were you able to start talking about it to begin the process of healing? And how long did it take you to get to where you are now Iona?

Iona Russell  

Probably from about the age of 18 until really 42 I have to say so at the age of 42. I was married living in Texas. And I came to meditation. I became more Zen as my ex husband would call it and things didn’t trigger me as much, but I became happy with myself. So it’s that thing out we take responsibility for ourselves and not needing to get external approval, external gratification. And just, figuring it out.

Dougie Jackson  

What about antidepressants? Were you prescribed them? Did you take them? Did they work?

Iona Russell  

I’ve been on antidepressants three times in my life. The first time was when I was 32-33 and I had my son, I had postnatal depression, and then twice after that. And they just helped me get back on track. You know, like, if we think of a motorbike, we’ve got to kickstart the engine. That’s really what they did for me. And I know for some people that they helped others they haven’t. But for me, it just gets you over that hurdle.

Andy Griffiths  

We talk about this a lot, that when you’re in the midst of dealing with unknown feelings and thoughts and emotions, you feel like you’re the only person that’s going through that nobody else really understands. Did you experience that as well?

Iona Russell  

Once I started getting help for the postnatal depression, I was very vocal about it. I realised, oh, we’re not talking about this. And then I had so many women saying, Oh my gosh, if it wasn’t them, they knew somebody. But yeah, I mean, I was really great at wearing this mask to fit in and I’m okay, the stiff upper lip, you just get on with it. Have another drink.

Andy Griffiths  

People today dealing with mental health issues tend to believe that they’re really difficult to overcome, and normally their efforts to deal with them end in failure. Why do you think people think that?

Iona Russell  

I think because people feel and they’ve heard and believe that it’s a deep rooted issue. Therefore, we have to dig it out. And it’s going to take a long time, having gone through what I’ve gone through and coming out the other side, quite frankly, I call BS on that. A lot of the help I had was very much just putting a plaster or a band aid on the issue and not really getting to the root of the issue. But the root can be dealt with really quickly when you have the proper help. Deep rooted doesn’t mean it takes a long time to heal, it just means you identify the issue. And then it’s gone. Not always overnight, but it’s that awareness. And I think also some people like to identify with the victim hood, their trauma, and they don’t know who they are without that. So for me for depression, it’s this Gremlin, and I see her sometimes when she’s coming to visit, I’m like, Oh, there she is, is not me. I don’t identify with that as who I am, it’s like acknowledging it and just letting it through without holding on to it.

Andy Griffiths  

I’m of the opinion whether you suffered with something for six months or 20 years, the process of dealing with it is exactly the same. The only bit that’s slightly more challenging, is dealing with some of the unconscious habits that have been developed over time. So that’s what takes a bit more time to break those patterns down. But actually dealing with the depression or the anxiety is exactly the same process. So I agree with Iona I call BS. You obviously get people messaging you and interacting with you. What are some of the excuses that people use for not dealing with their issues when you’re speaking to them?

Iona Russell  

Okay, well, this is twofold, because actually, the issue that they think they have, if they have an issue is never the issue, the thing is never the thing. So a lot of the women that I’ve been working with have issues around money or self worth. We know that’s not the issue. And so they just want to help get over it. And it’s like, oh, actually, what was what was your family’s attitude towards this? What was your attitude? What is the secondary gain, then we don’t know that we’re repeating this pattern, and they pretend they’re okay. They don’t think they’ve got the time. It’s not them. There’s a lot of blame. 

Andy Griffiths  

I’ve heard the whole you know, you don’t understand my up bringing was like this. It was different where I came from my upbringing is determined who I am today. I’m not lucky enough. And sometimes those excuses are created to keep people in that place of familiarity. They know the depression space, they know the anxiety space. And they’re actually terrified of what will life look like, if I get rid of that.

Iona Russell  

What gets in the way of having success, whether it’s financial, work relationships, there’s always some self limiting belief or self sabotage, which is them repeating a pattern from their youth, we’re running on those programs of how we learned to survive from our peers, from our parents from the school playground. And so as a 35, or 45 year old, we don’t realise we’re making these executive decisions about our life, about our relationships based on something that we did to survive.

Dougie Jackson  

Yes, years ago. I mean, we’re talking about operating on survival skills, and using coping mechanisms that we haven’t updated since the playground. I mean, this is flawed thinking, isn’t it, it really is no wonder that we can’t cope when trauma strikes us as an adult

Andy Griffiths  

Trauma could be computer game stuff in the real world stuff on TV, we don’t actually have to be physically in the presence of a trauma, we can just see it. And actually, we can just imagine it. So if we hear of somebody having an accident or something happened to them, we can start to think about that. And that traumatises our mind as well. And that has an influence on us, complex PTSD, which is built upon the things that we’ve experienced during childhood, the things that were said to us, you know, have we had bullying teachers or peers or family members, that’s trauma as well. And it doesn’t really fully kick in until you’re an adult, when you’re out in the world and you’re trying to deal with stuff and these beliefs stop you from getting the job, going out there doing stuff, making money, they create all these blocks and these limiting beliefs that become the issue. 

Dougie Jackson  

Okay, so we’re recording this interview in April 2021, 14 months since the start of the worldwide battle against COVID. What are you doing just now Iona?

Iona Russell  

I am a life coach. So I work with women healing their trauma to have success in their lives. But I do it with the unconscious, which is, which is where all the magic happens, quite frankly, I just wanted to add something as well, because we have talked about the trauma. And because we’re in these unprecedented times, we’re going through a global trauma, like everybody’s being able to interact being stuck at home. So the repercussions from this a huge.

Andy Griffiths  

Nothing could have prepared the nation for this, when you’ve got therapists struggling, Joe average should not feel bad about really struggling through what we’ve just been through. Because this wasn’t a physical battle. This was purely psychological on many levels. And it’s worn a lot of people down.

Iona Russell  

Yeah, just again, and again, it’s not overwhelm and so many people home homeschooling the juggling work and relationships and hearing it again and again, like all their issues are coming to the surface, suddenly, you know, the couple are having to spend so much and that natural time together. And by that I mean it’s just like we’re not used to having to be confined in one space for somebody 24/7, so we’ve had the complete unexpected and it keeps happening. So people’s confidence has been knocked in having trust in what can be the possibilities, their traumas have been brought to the surface, although issues within their home dynamic, their personal relationships, those have all been bought to the surface and as Andy says, of those of us who’ve got the coping mechanisms are struggling, then what about your average Joe and Sue?

Andy Griffiths  

Iona a question for you. If you could have a zoom session with your 18 year old self, what would you tell her?

Iona Russell  

What would I tell her? That she’s doing? Okay, I think so many of us have such high expectations, and we judge on the highlight reel. I think in these times I’m so much social media whilst all this is happening, we compare ourselves to other people and the success you know, the the Kardashian syndrome, as I like to call it, and everybody is struggling and nobody’s got their shit together.

If you have any questions, suggestions, stories or helpful information, or if you have a media request, please contact us by email on [email protected]