EPISODE TWELVE

Please note this is a verbatim transcription from the original audio and therefore there may be some minor grammatical errors.

Hello and welcome to this episode of The Tickety Boo Podcast, the podcast that says it’s okay. Not to be okay. On today’s episode, I talk about hitting that metaphorical. You know that place you get to when you just feel like everything is a struggle. And the pressure is just too much. What is it you do when you find yourself in that place. So on this episode, we’re going to look at why it happens and what action we can take either for ourselves or those around us. So let’s get into this.

First of all, thank you for tuning in to this episode. I’ve actually felt compelled to put this episode a little earlier than anticipated. And that’s all down to the conversations I’m currently having with my clients in my therapy room. You see, this is a strange time of year. Ordinarily, this time of year creates a lot of mixed emotions, as we begin to draw the year to an end, can contemplate on what the next year will hold for us. The one thing that is fairly obvious at the moment is there a lot of people struggling right now.

So almost like we’re on this roller coaster ride, and the brain is screaming, I want to get off now. And never before have so many people felt physically and emotionally tired at the same time. The last 20 months for us have been pretty surreal. Many of us have faced challenges that would have been unimaginable to us just two years ago. And to a certain extent, our daily lives look very different to how they used to be. Now I know that some of you listening to this may have breezed through the last 24 months. And if so I’m genuinely happy for you. But I do ask you to stay tuned as I can pretty much guarantee that somebody you know or love is having a very different experience. And through this episode, you may get an insight of how to help one understand a person that struggling. routines and patterns are how we track information and kind of keep time.

So when we’re thrown into a situation that we’ve never been in before, it can really disorientated us, and even more so for those that are struggling with mental health conditions because they feel anchored by structure. That’s why so many people struggled during lockdown. Because a lot of the simple things that they did that kept them in a good place were taken away from them. And it’s very likely that at some point in your life, you’ve probably felt empty. Or if you haven’t, you’ve probably heard someone else describe themselves as feeling empty, lost or stuck. And because of the world we live in now, this is a relatively common feeling. And also often this feeling is not recognized as a potential symptom of a mental health condition. Typically, feelings of emptiness are temporary and only lasts a few days or weeks. And very often, they’ll just go on and resolve themselves. But sometimes this is not the case. And the feelings persist. The experience of feeling empty has so many causes, from hormonal issues or losing a job or or a loved one, or the constant change and uncertainty that comes through living in a pandemic. And speaking to my clients right now I’m hearing the same thing again and again and again, the feeling empty.

The problem is what happens when you feel empty all the time. It’s not unusual for someone to lose touch with themselves now and again. You know, some of us would refer to this as living without purpose, which really means you’ve kind of lost clarity on the type of person you are, or the one you would like to become. And you know not having specific goals and dreams and aspirations can lead us to failing empty but a lot of people at the manly will what’s the point? And losing touch for yourself can come from many different circumstances, you may have been in a toxic relationship or a really demanding job. Personally in the past, whenever I felt empty, I kind of had this sense that I’m just completely separated from the world and everything just seems that bit harder. And I was speaking with a particular client last week and they described it as feeling like just everything is pointless. And you feel that you’re just going through the motions but you’re not sure why. And there are moments of feeling good, but they’re temporary. They’re just like a distraction. But fairly quickly. That empty feeling returns it’s as though anything fulfilling just passes you by and As they were describing this, to me, it kind of really resonated to me because I’m sure some of you listening to this will resonate with that as well.

The thing is, you don’t have to be diagnosed with a mental health condition to fill this emptiness. And this is what takes people by surprise. They feel like this is just crept up on them from nowhere. And worryingly, it’s very common to experience suicidal thoughts and feelings during these periods of feeling empty. And the one thing that research does show us is that there are strong links between these feelings, and unresolved experiences from our past. These prolonged feelings may be linked to a grieving process that hasn’t been fully explored, such as the loss of a loved one, or death or of pet or a relationship breaking down. unresolved experiences from a childhood or a sense of abandonment from a family member can also lead to these feelings.

And when we don’t openly talk about these emotions that have been with us for such a long time, they begin to influence the way we feel. And then we just don’t look after ourselves properly. Now, for some people taking care of others always comes first. Now, this could be through necessity, looking after an elderly parent or or a sick relative, but others use it as a distraction from dealing with a real issue. So as a result of this, we push our own needs aside. And this leads us to feeling empty. Now, every single one of us needs a level of support and care. And that includes you too. Because when our emotional needs are fulfilled, we’re such better human beings, we’re more equipped and unable to help and support those people around us. But when you abandon yourself, and you don’t listen to your own hopes and desires, you can very quickly begin to feel quite empty. And in turn that turns into feelings of anxiety, guilt, and shame. And when we feel low, what is it we do? While we turned to unhealthy coping mechanisms, or social media for comfort and distraction. If you’re currently experiencing these feelings of emptiness, you should really monitor how much time you spend on social media. Because it can affect how you feel. And it fills those feelings of emptiness. The thing is, so many social media accounts portray a lifestyle, that’s not real. What they do is they just portray this perfect life. But those snapshots are just a highlight reel, and not a true reflection of reality.

Trust me, those people that are posting that stuff, they have crap days, too. They just don’t post the crap stuff. So don’t fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others, because you’ll begin to feel even more empty. So how do we combat this feeling of empty? Well, it helps if we understand the source, it is important to try and understand where these feelings come from. If you don’t find some means of addressing the issue, it’s very likely that you’ll try and fill that emptiness with a whole bunch of on unhealthy coping mechanisms. And they just make things worse. So if you find yourself turning to food, alcohol, or drugs for comfort, these coping mechanisms may make the feelings worse. And they may make you feel good in the moment. But trust me, they’re not the answer. Challenge is a part of all of our lives. But there are dark moments for some people when challenges to start to turn into crisis. And the outcome of our life depends on the choices we made during these moments of crisis. So we can start by asking ourselves better questions. This is a really good place to start. Ask yourself, what could it be that has led me to feel this way? And start to write down all the answers and just be brutally honest with yourself? And then sit back and and look at each answer and ask yourself? Is this a problem I should fix? Or is it a problem I should just put up with? Or is it a problem that I could walk away from? And if you sit in there struggling to find a fix. Ask yourself why? Maybe someone is blocking you from fixing things or you have a lack of resources such as money and time. But make sure you sit there and look at as many realistic options as possible. And start to decide between putting up with a situation using patients not passivity and walking away. Ask yourself who could I talk to that has successfully solved the same problem.

You see, issues aren’t solved by isolating ourselves from the world. So finding someone who’s gone through the same issue you are and has accomplished things, is that someone you need to gravitate towards? Because they could give you a roadmap to follow. This person will understand what you’re going through, and could provide you with an alternative to withdrawing into isolation. But you may be sitting there going, well, that’s sounds fine. But where do you find such a person? Well ask around. You don’t find these people by not doing anything. Share your stories, others, seek support groups, go online to find blogs and forums, the possibilities are much greater than ever before with the Internet. And keep going. Don’t stop until you find not just good advice, but real empathy from someone that you can trust. Because that will help you to search deeper into yourself for solutions to the problem. There is just no avoiding the fact that turning bad things into good things is all down to you. And when you find yourself facing a world of threats, fears, illusions, wishful thinking, denial, distractions, and conflict, the world out there will not change until you change things on the inside of you.

You see those old repetitive thinking and behavior patterns aren’t getting you anywhere. So start by trying to make sense of your past to uncover who we are. And why is it we act the way we do? We have to know and understand our own story. And you need to be brave enough to explore your past as this is an important stepping stone on the road to understanding yourself and becoming who you want to be. You’re not your story. And isn’t the things that have happened to us that define who we become. But it’s how much we’ve made sense of what happens to us that is absolutely vital. So start to think about what you want. There’s this tendency in life to focus only on the negative. Put simply, we think a lot about what we don’t want instead of concentrating on what we do want. Knowing what we want is fundamental to finding ourselves. It may help you to get clear on things and start to make a list of what do you want. And get into the details. How do you want to feel? What do you want to happen? How will you know when you get to this place where you’re going to feel better, and have fun at this stage. Don’t worry about how you will make it happen. Just start to list what you would like to happen. And then start focusing on your strengths and capabilities. Don’t start focusing on your imperfections and your weaknesses. Because every single one of us has flaws. And there’s nothing to be gained from obsessing about them. Because when you feel lost in life, the best thing you can do is start to focus on your best strengths. And we all have some strengths. It’s far better for you to build up your strengths, and constantly worrying and focusing on your weaknesses. And a feeling lost during the last 20 months has made you reevaluate some aspects of the person you are today. Just remember, you can decide who you want to be tomorrow. But you have to start, you have to start by choosing healthy habits. Yeah, I get it. I know this point sounds a little cliche, but your habits will determine the outcome of your life. If you’re living on life right now full of unhealthy habits, such as eating badly and browsing mindlessly through social media posts, then you’ve got to reevaluate your habits. Because our habits contribute to this feeling of being lost in life. Especially when the majority of your habits are unhealthy ones. Like anything in life, moderation is key. All too often getting started just seems so much effort. So here are a few things just to get you going. And you don’t have to do them all just start off by doing one thing, what is one thing that you could do today?

So point one is connection. Human beings are social animals. We need some form of interaction with others to feel best. And that could be a phone call to a friend or meeting your friends for dinner or simply waving or saying hello to your neighbor. Because connecting with others helps us to feel more fulfilled. So isolating yourself away is the complete opposite of that. And the thing is, don’t wait until you feel like doing this as that day rarely comes, go and connect when you don’t feel like it, because that’s where the magic happens and things start to get better. So movement, it’s important for our mental and physical health to move our bodies. But it doesn’t mean you have to put yourself through our most intense Joe works work out of your life, movement of any kind you can do is beneficial. That could mean dancing around to the radio while you’re doing the dishes, or taking a yoga class or playing with the dog or with the kids or just going out for a walk. But the thing is, you can’t just do this once you need to make a plan to get out and move. Ideally, every day, you see our brains like patterns. So get into the pattern of moving every day. So quite healthy eating. Our mood and our diet are connected. So it’s important eat whole foods, and keep an eye on your sugar intake, especially when you’re going through a hard time. Our emotions drive our eating habits. And why is it we always want to reach for sugar when we’re emotional.

Yeah. So also wise not to reach for those quick fixes, like alcohol. Yeah, alcohol in the moment will make you feel better, but it’s a depressant. So what it will do is it will negatively impact your mood for days after consuming. Try and focus on getting some sleep. Sleep isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity. And poor sleep will impact your mental health in so many ways. You’ll have low energy, you’ll be forgetful, you’re put on weight, and lack of sleep is serious. And you should consider as an absolute priority to focus in on getting good sleep. Now, we’ve already touched on this point, but it is a really important one. Try to manage your exposure to social media and the news. We are bombarded 24/7 with news coverage, and constant access to social media. And this is especially true during a pandemic when the news is overly dramatic. And we have nothing better to do than mindlessly scroll Facebook, you know the Doom scrolling, put the phone down, turn the news off, and go and do something else. So let’s talk about your surroundings. Something that is really good at sort of purging this feeling of fairly empty is to clean or rearrange your surroundings. There’s something to be said about if that feeling you get after a cleaning session. So tidy up or reorganize your living space. Because the change and the refresh might be that little jolt you’re looking for to snap you out of that last feeling music. Everyone loves music at some kind of level. Go and create a playlist of your top tunes. Music is brilliant for lifting your mood to get those favourite songs blast night while you’re doing your chores or you’re just doing something in the house or put your headphones on and go for a walk. The music is that one thing that can really lift our spirits.

From the pamper yourself, do you enjoy a nice hot soak in the bath? Well, if you do kick back and do it, or sit and watch your favorite box set, make yourself something nice to eat or plan to grab a coffee with a with one of your favorite friends, because that can really help to perk you up. If you’re still unavailable to experience any joy or breakthrough or moments of happiness after trying them, it could be time for you to reach out for some kind of support. And a mental health expert can help you work through your managing feelings. But if you’re trying all these things, and nothing seems to be working, my recommendation would be to reach out first and help. But wherever you find yourself right now try and take things back to basics. Try to focus on sleep, eating well. Getting outside and connecting with friends and family as much as you can. And a little bit of self care with a bit of reflection on what you’ve been through can go a long way. You’ve been through a global trauma. And you need to lighten up on yourself and treat yourself as somebody that deserves to be well and happy. And if you are in a good place right now, don’t forget to take 10 minutes to check in on others, including that strong friend you have. We all have one of those strong friends. They’re probably the person who’s gone through hell and manages to come back without smile on the face. They’re the person who are there for everyone with advice and support. And they’re there for us at our highest points. And they’re there for us at our lowest and of course they support us with every button A decision that we’ve made along the way, let’s face it, if we didn’t have these people in our lives, we’d be pretty lost. So check in on them as well. Take 10 minutes out of your day to check in on people and make sure they’re okay. I hope you’ve enjoyed this episode of The tickety boo podcast. This is it for this episode. Thanks very much for listening, and I look forward to catch in the next time

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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