How to Support a Loved One Through a Mental Health Crisis: Ian’s Story
When you’re standing by a loved one through a mental health crisis, it’s hard to know what to do, what to say, or even how to feel. In this episode of Tickety Boo, we dive into the lived experience of Ian, who found himself supporting his wife during a nervous breakdown. It’s an all-too-common situation for many, and in this blog, we break down what Ian learned, and how you can navigate these turbulent waters if you ever find yourself in a similar position.
Recognising the Signs: More Than Just a Bad Day
One of the hardest parts about supporting someone in a mental health crisis is recognising the signs before things escalate. Ian describes how his wife seemed more irritable, wasn’t eating properly, and couldn’t sleep. But, like so many of us, she masked what was really going on, and Ian didn’t realise how serious things were until the night she stood at the end of their bed and started chanting.
“On the face of it, she looked absolutely solid…bomb-proof. But I missed the subtle signs.”
It’s easy to misread the situation when someone is used to putting on a brave face. Ian’s wife stayed busy, almost to the point of overcompensation, making it hard for Ian to see the building pressure underneath.
Takeaway: Pay attention to behavioural changes that seem small but persist over time. Mood swings, exhaustion, poor sleep, and changes in eating habits are often red flags. Don’t assume someone’s “just having a bad day” if the behaviour continues. And remember, masking is a survival tactic for many who are struggling internally, so you may have to look beyond the surface.
Why We Feel the Need to Fix – And Why We Shouldn’t
As Ian’s wife’s condition worsened, his initial instinct was to fix the situation. Like many of us, he thought offering solutions was the best way to help. But what he learned through the process was invaluable:
“Sometimes people don’t need you to do anything. They just need to speak.”
This is crucial advice. Often, when someone is in the middle of a mental health crisis, they aren’t looking for answers—they’re seeking validation. They need someone to listen, to hold space for them without judgment or pressure to “snap out of it.”
Practical Tip: Next time a loved one opens up about what they’re going through, resist the urge to jump into fix-it mode. Instead, try asking, “How can I support you right now? Do you just need me to listen, or would you like some help figuring things out?” This approach not only takes the pressure off you but also empowers them to guide the conversation.
The Silent Struggle of Caregivers: Don’t Forget About You
One of the biggest challenges Ian faced was the isolation that came with being a caregiver. As friends and family focused on his wife, few asked how he was holding up. Caregiving, especially during a mental health crisis, can be a lonely and exhausting role, often leaving caregivers feeling unseen and unsupported.
“I had a few friends to confide in, but essentially, I was isolated.”
When caring for someone in crisis, it’s easy to forget about your own needs. But as Ian realised, neglecting your well-being can make it harder to offer the support your loved one needs. Whether it’s taking an hour to go for a walk, calling a friend, or just sitting quietly with a cup of tea, finding small moments for yourself is essential.
Takeaway: If you’re supporting someone through a mental health crisis, don’t forget about your own mental and emotional health. You can’t pour from an empty cup. If you’re a friend or family member, remember to ask the caregiver how they are doing too. They need just as much support as the person in crisis.
The Slow Journey of Recovery: Patience Over Perfection
Recovery from a mental health crisis is not a straight line. Ian’s wife didn’t simply bounce back after her breakdown—it took time, patience, and understanding to rebuild her life. One of the key lessons Ian learned was that pushing someone to return to their “old self” isn’t helpful. People don’t emerge from these crises unchanged.
“What she needed was time…to find the person she truly was.”
It’s a misconception that the goal of recovery is to get someone back to who they were. Recovery often means finding a new, healthier version of oneself. For Ian’s wife, this meant re-establishing her values and rediscovering what brought her joy and purpose.
Practical Tip: If your loved one is recovering from a mental health crisis, give them time. Don’t pressure them to be who they were before. Instead, support them in discovering who they are now. Recovery isn’t about bouncing back; it’s about growing forward.
Compassion for Yourself and Others: The Key to Navigating Tough Times
Perhaps the most important lesson Ian learned is the power of self-compassion. Supporting a loved one through a mental health crisis is emotionally draining. It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-blame, constantly wondering if you’ve done enough or said the right things. But beating yourself up won’t help anyone.
“You’re not expected to get it right every time. We’re all human, learning as we go.”
Self-compassion means forgiving yourself for the things you didn’t get right and recognising that you’re doing the best you can. It’s a lesson we can all take to heart—whether we’re the ones in crisis or the ones offering support.
Takeaway: Give yourself permission to be imperfect. Whether you’re the person in crisis or the person supporting them, self-compassion is key. The more kindness you show yourself, the better you’ll be able to show up for others.
Final Thoughts: We’re All in This Together
At the end of the day, supporting someone through a mental health crisis is hard. But as Ian’s story shows, it’s also an opportunity to grow closer, to deepen your understanding of both your loved one and yourself. By listening, offering support without judgment, and practicing compassion, you can help someone navigate the darkest times in their life.
Remember, you don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to be there.